As the wallflower, I am stuck in the corner of a room that hums borrowed courage of resolutions and disappointments. Between balloons, tangled lights, and spilled glitter, I’m just a cut-out absence pressed against the glow. While the clock pretends it isn’t about to change everything, I’m imagining time restarting—how there’s just so many things I have to say goodbye to. All of what I lost in these past years has brought me to a space of darkness and dame memory. But what else is there to do with this life? Also, when I’m already weary of learning, I have no other choice but to. Because it’s all included, I must give up the idea of control completely this time, and choose not to fight, and give into the temptation of evolution. And I made a list of what I’m giving up and giving into.

Let’s say goodbye to the self-doubt. Release the urge of self-deprecation. Stop telling people who you are in order for them to love you. Forget all of what they taught you. Let go of everything that no longer serves purpose in your world. I want to say goodbye to the concept of forgiveness. Because I don’t need to forgive in order to move on. It could only be the place holder of what I’ve discovered about the human experience, in which we are flawed all the way through—which is the beauty we construed for appearances. Because I’m going to be the same person on the 1st of January. I won’t change much. Finally, just the acceptance of what has happened, could not only be the key to an authentic life, but the clearance to peace.

This is to the celebration to end all beginnings of the year before. The fictional reset wouldn’t break the curse, or heal the mistakes, but I’m welcoming the journey of unknown. Saying goodbye is easy through rage and its commonly a difficult gesture when vulnerable to the unknown journey. What if you lose something unexceptionally? Who are you outside of your comfortability? Why not make choices that doesn’t give you butterflies? How will you become everything you want to be?

Happy New Years